5 Things Guys Want From a Woman

Posted by Mr. Guy February - 24 - 2010 - Wednesday ADD COMMENTS


1. Truth

2. Devotion

3. Fun

4. Sex

5. Silence

OK, so that’s obvious, how about these ten!

1. Stop twirling your f-ing hair!

2. Stop whining about your boss/ex/father/WHATEVER! Just stop the f-ing whining!

3. A good haircut. Ya know, not the ones I have to look at and totally lie. Like when you go down to the local parlor and get The Aniston, because, well, every other f-ing woman in America got one too! It ain’t sexy! Well, maybe on Jennifer Aniston it is! (After she’s caught the clap from Vince Vaughn.)

4. Be original.

5. I’d say “bring your best friend home with you so I can bang her and you can watch,” but that ain’t too original, so gonna go with “teeth.” All four of them, please.

6. Guys Night out every night of the week. Don’t worry, we’ll “hook back up with you” around midnight, with just enough time left to let you give us a killer BJ and flip on Sportscenter. Don’t forget the Big Gulp.

7. Two breasts and a vagina — so there!

8. Buy us something just once? Yeah, we may make way more cash than you. Way. But that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t appreciate the fine gesture of you buying something for us. Ya know, like a loaf of French bread, or an incense holder, or: I dunno! You’re the romantic, creative species, YOU FIGURE IT OUT!

9. Time. Time to think of WTF I am doing with you, and HTF I can get out of the relationship, preferably with only one text message: Leaving u! u never swallowed.*

10. A break. We’re not always this blatantly sexist. You should catch us on a bad day!


* “Yes, ladies, this is a bad dad. And I’m a bad man. And, yes, it really does come down to this.”

VN:F [1.5.6_840]
Rating: 4.2/5 (5 votes cast)
Share This Post

5 Random Things About the NBA

Posted by Mr. Guy November - 22 - 2009 - Sunday ADD COMMENTS


1. Sam Presti, Oklahoma Thunder: Executive of Year

Who would have ever thunk Presti could make us forget the Sonics in such a short time. Seattle grungers must be seething, one more reason to gaze at their shoes.

2. Brook Lopez and Chris Douglas-Roberts: Dynamic Underground Duo of Year

Sure, they’re practically six feet under ground, but they’re still scoring! This is a future “silver lining” for Jersey (IF there is such a thing). BTW, what is Lawrence Frank still doing at the board? Chemistry class was canceled, dude!

3. Paul Westphal, Sacramento Kings: Extreme NBA Makeover Award

If Arnold could have worked this quickly in the capital of Colliefornia? (Well, he might be able to pronounce “Colliefornia” by now.)

4. Houston Rockets: Scrappiest Bunch in the League

Yao and McGrady’s injuries a blessing in disguise for the future of the franchise? What happens with T-Mac in the mix? Does Scrappy Doo Aaron Brooks still have the “Lemme at ‘em! I’ll splat ‘em!” attitude? Or will he have to take a back seat to Scoob Mac?

5. Ron Artest, Los Angeles Lakers: The Quiet Man

Role player extraordinaire, quietly going about his business, a true professional work ethic in action. Can it last? As long as the Lakers are successful it can. And you just know Ron-Ron is going to be making an appearance on next year’s Entourage, especially if the Lakers win the championship. Victory!

VN:F [1.5.6_840]
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
Share This Post

Warning: mysql_query(): No such file or directory in /home/rosypalm/Clean_Guy_Report/wp-content/plugins/quickstats/quickstats.php on line 345

Warning: mysql_query(): A link to the server could not be established in /home/rosypalm/Clean_Guy_Report/wp-content/plugins/quickstats/quickstats.php on line 345

Warning: mysql_query(): No such file or directory in /home/rosypalm/Clean_Guy_Report/wp-content/plugins/quickstats/quickstats.php on line 346

Warning: mysql_query(): A link to the server could not be established in /home/rosypalm/Clean_Guy_Report/wp-content/plugins/quickstats/quickstats.php on line 346

Warning: mysql_fetch_row() expects parameter 1 to be resource, boolean given in /home/rosypalm/Clean_Guy_Report/wp-content/plugins/quickstats/quickstats.php on line 346