1. Tie her up.
2. Tie her mother up.
3. Promise to dress the part for Danny Zuko Saturday Night Fevers*.
4. Get a f_ing puppy.
6. Sorry, the best things in life ARE NOT FREE, once again, the answer is: M-O-N-E-Y.
7. Buy HER a puppy (but be careful! Someone might beat you out…If you hold the puppy, you hold the power. Never forget this! Put it on your wall if you have to. A license pl8 frame wouldn’t hurt either.)
9. If she won’t listen to conversation — mainly about the 48 ways you want to have sex with her — a roofie always works wonders. Then you can do WAY more than 48!
10. Humor her. That, along with money, the roofie, and massive Zukonian skills, usually does the trick.
P.S. Don’t forget to untie your future ex-mother-in-law!
* Yes, that was a compound movie reference above. Consider yourself a genius. Shouldn’t you be getting back to work? WTF?