Hey Guy 2

Posted by Mr. Guy October - 26 - 2009 - Monday ADD COMMENTS

Hey Guy:

I’m getting totally confused here, but what IS IT that women really want??? It’s so f’ing tiring trying to figure out.

- Confused Like Confucius, in Colorado :)
confused guy

Hey Confused (unlike Confucius!):

You can pretty much sum up what women want in five words that begin with the letter C:

1. Cash
2. Cars
3. Cum
4. Care
5. Control

If they attain all five, look out, women rule the world. Until then, guys will keep trying to withhold every item except 3. But eventually, guys are gonna need “3″ so bad that they’ll be caving on the other four in order to earn it, and, before you know it, Sarah Palin is the ruler of the Free World. Though, not sure how free it’ll be then. But you’ll understand women a lot better, no?
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Hey Guy 1

Posted by Mr. Guy July - 25 - 2009 - Saturday ADD COMMENTS

Who ya gonna bang?

I was hanging out at this neighborhood chick’s pad the other night when this other dude showed up. No biggie, but I kinda thought she invited me over for a little action. Wasn’t sure what to do, so I sat there for like five hours, well, mainly listening to her pontificate on her theories of the world. Problem being, he sat there too. And, when we finally did leave, it was together, because she said she was getting tired. Should I have stuck around? How should I play it now?

- Balls to the Walls From Buffalo Baby!

Hey Balls to the Wall!

Buffalo? Whatever. First off, I am guessing she was pretty hot. Otherwise why would TWO dudes sit there for five hours (are you kidding me?!) and listen to her spew about her theories of why fur is murder, and how the average American knows that 911 was a hoax? It was, but that’s another article waiting to be googled.

Number two: You shouldn’t have sat there for five hours. Bad call. It only reinforced your desperation to get laid. If you would’ve made the early exit, sure, you would’ve left the other dude behind, and he MIGHT have gotten laid. But it would be you who laid down the path of mystery. Her thinking, “Um, like, OMG! Was it me? Is it something I did? Why did he not want to hook-up with me? OMG! Is one of my breasts crooked?”

Yup, you would’ve lost the battle, but positioned yourself to kick major ass in the war.

Sometimes it helps to know when to go all “balls to the wall,” and when to go “f*ck off, if you want me to lay you, next time lose the other tool and that rap about fur. Because if it’s one thing I can’t stand, is a woman afraid to get a little blood on a baby seal.”

Hey! It’s worked for me.

Guy Love to Y’all

P.S. How you play it now: Don’t call her. Don’t text her. Don’t email her. Don’t stalk her. The ball(s) is in her court, she’ll let you know if she wants them pounding up against her backboard any time soon.

Read: Hey Guy 2

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