10 Ways to Get a Girl

Posted by Mr. Guy February - 23 - 2010 - Tuesday ADD COMMENTS


1. Tie her up.

2. Tie her mother up.

3. Promise to dress the part for Danny Zuko Saturday Night Fevers*.

4. Get a f_ing puppy.

5. Money.

6. Sorry, the best things in life ARE NOT FREE, once again, the answer is: M-O-N-E-Y.

7. Buy HER a puppy (but be careful! Someone might beat you out…If you hold the puppy, you hold the power. Never forget this! Put it on your wall if you have to. A license pl8 frame wouldn’t hurt either.)

8. Conversation.

9. If she won’t listen to conversation — mainly about the 48 ways you want to have sex with her — a roofie always works wonders. Then you can do WAY more than 48!

10. Humor her. That, along with money, the roofie, and massive Zukonian skills, usually does the trick.

P.S. Don’t forget to untie your future ex-mother-in-law!


* Yes, that was a compound movie reference above. Consider yourself a genius. Shouldn’t you be getting back to work? WTF?

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How to Get More Dates

Posted by Mr. Guy July - 15 - 2009 - Wednesday ADD COMMENTS
Hey, guys, last time in How to Get More Dates we covered the two questions:

1) Where am I going? and…

2) Who is going with me?

And how, if you ask those questions in reverse order, you’re basically moving into Being Whipped For Eternity territory. We also told you about the Party Goddess and how she said getting girls is all about confidence.So how do we develop this confidence?

To begin with, we try to focus entirely on the “Where am I going question?” Forget the second question, for now. It will reveal its answer in its own time. FYI: Do you know how much energy guys waste in the name of p*ssy every day? Too much. Energy that could be better expended working on our own games.

That’s the Catch-22: Take focus off the No. 2 question, invest the energy back into yourself, and, in time, the No. 2 question will be easy to fill, because you’ll have taken the necessary time to become, what the Party Goddess desires, CONFIDENT.

Here’s 3 Quick Tips on How to Improve Your Game & Confidence

1. Make yourself a smarter person.

That means, yes, sigh, you’ll probably have to read. One Sunday with the NY Times will improve your brain performance immensely. A year later, you’re a friggin’ genius bedding art majors. If the NYT isn’t your bag, no worries, find something else to read, and not just something with pictures!

2. And more girth to your game.

We’re not talking penis extensions (although they wouldn’t hurt). We’re talking about adding some dimension to your game, as in: being a well-rounded person. Yes, the reading will help, but we also mean…

Yes, sigh, you’re going to have to get off the couch on the weekends and take up a new hobby. You know what works well here? Guitar. And not that cheesy plastic thing you masturbate with while playing Guitar Hero 2. HINT: That will never get you laid.

Three chords on a REAL guitar and you’re on your way to a “sensitive” designation. And you know how the gals like sensitive.

But learning to play guitar isn’t the only solution. What is it you’ve always wanted to do? Yes, YOU! Mountain climb? Sail? Cook? Foreign languages? Get to it, and once you’ve completed one pursuit, and developed some sense of mastery, move on to the next. It will help you build your self-esteem.

3. Get in shape.

A really cool, and easy-to-follow diet is going to be revealed for the first time in this column. It’s called the “Eat Less, Exercise More” diet. And, low and behold, it actually works, over time.

That means forget about all the quick-fix diets, and what have you. That shit has one design: to take your money.

Remember this: anything, ANYTHING, worthwhile in life takes time. And effort. And passion. That includes everything from your bank account to the woman you dream of.

You can start now, or run around like a chicken with your head cut off forever — and you know how many women like headless chickens.

Morale of the story: Grow your game, and you’ll grow your chicks. How to Get More Dates 1

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