1. Citing Extreme Suckatude, even Myspace Tom de-friends you.
2. Groupies are weighing in at over 200lbs. Bringing their own flour to concerts.
3. Latest gig at church bake sale. They made you pay for the Cool-Aid.
4. Lead singer’s looks, and talent, compared with Danny Bonaduce.
5. Lead singer actually is Danny Bonaduce.
6. People constantly complimenting you on how cool your guitar case is.
7. Concert appearances frequently end in Disturbing The Peace charges, and full cavity searches, just “because.”
8. You can’t get sex, and you have no drugs, and your rock n’ roll sounds like a cross between a chinchilla in heat and the Iraqi National Anthem.
P.S. Oh, say, can you see, if you’re a “friend” and you have this sneaking suspicion I think your band blows, please don’t ever invite me again. I promise to remember you at Christmas.
Long enough to run the other way. Attention Shoppers! Sucky band member on aisle four…