Economy getting you down? Tell us about it. But what better way to forget about our troubles for a few minutes than to look at our contestants for Miss Depression 2009? “Nice!”

Is modeling the “emaciated camel-toe” look. She likes Paxil, the thought of murdering her father and smudge-free tighty-whities.

Is modeling the frumpy “why the f*ck are you making me walk this catwalk” look. She likes sharp bangs, being banged by bikers and small floods in the south of London.

Is modeling the “dead beaver on the head” look. She likes Gumby, stilts and an occasional rice cake or two.

Is modeling the “angry feminazi” look. She likes things that go frilly in the night, androgynous pets and Prince.

Is modeling the “oops, I just fell down, this job is harder than I thought” look. She likes running shoes, Pisces and embarrassing photos that make her look like an ass.

Is modeling the “patterns-disguised-as-art in a SoHo gallery” look. She likes biting the heads off small penises, Prozac and Elliot Smith.

Is modeling the “early pregnancy test kit in a purse” look. She likes men who don’t knock her up, her hairstylist Jevan and musician Pink.

Is modeling the “white theme party” look. She likes seeing out of one eye, pop tarts and men who don’t fart in bed.

Is modeling the “BBW Goddess” look. She likes queening, Queen and flour as an all-purpose aphrodisiac.

Is modeling the “Western African diet” look. She likes magic pendants, the TV show Bones and 24/7 total f*cking depression.

P.S. Yes, “her vagine hang like a sleeve of wizard.”

Why not join our Twitter feed?

*

Recommended viewing: Our Girl Page