1. Hair

Don’t think that hair don’t matter. In this case, it is ALL about the hair. If you can’t represent the hair, how do you expect to represent the bitches?

2. Bitches

If you don’t got ‘em, how to you expect to bring in the cash?

3. Cash

This is important. A start-up needs cash-dolla. If need be, borrow some from your mama to get the operation moving. Tell her you’ll pay her back with interest. Interest she’ll be paying YOU for every dollar borrowed. That’s right, pimps can make these kind of demands, even on their mamas.

4. Demands

Make a bunch of ‘em. How else do you think a real pimp operates without demands? Demands show you know your pimpin’ and you’re large and in charge.

5. Large and in Charge

You need to get those bitches off your roster right now. Hint: don’t feed the other bitches much either. That way, when they get pregnant, the johns won’t be able to tell for a good eight months.

6. Nine Months

Well, you know who to cut from your roster. That’s OK! You’ll find more! Sell, knock-up, and release. Repeat action, get rich. Simple as dat.

Vaginaitis, Noun - Someone who sees the female vagina in everything they look at.

“Harry has such a strong case of Vaginasitis that we couldn’t even go hiking without him getting a boner at the sight of every other tree.”

“I gotta get me a condom.”

Solve the puzzle below and you’ll find out who is actually being pulled from the water by “Charlie.” True story/picture.

“I’m John McCain, and I approve of this website.”

Tatitude - noun. The common belief among women that a tattoo on their lower back automatically makes them sexy.

“Dude, she had a major tatitude. When I met her, she was good to go. But then she threw-up on me. Nothing like a Chinese symbol to say Bon Appétit.

First, they bust the music industry’s balls by releasing their own album, In Rainbows, which, oh yeah, get this, you could’ve downloaded for free from their website (though no longer).

And, for the last month, they’ve been making news with their mesmerizing new video made with only lasers. Huh? WTF? Whatever, you figure it out, watch it yourself.

Caution: BYOB. B is 4 Bong. It’s highly recommended. So, take a little pause, then enjoy Radiohead’s House of Cards video.

Click to register and Declare Yourself!

Six things she shouldn’t be saying to her stalker:

1. Hello.

2. Do you park here often?

3. I’ve seen bigger penises on my brothers.

4. I bet that made you real popular in high school.

5. Sure, I’ll get in.

6. I hope you don’t mind yeast infections.

Joseph Biden is thinking about answering one of those ads in the sports section. How else is an old white man going to measure up? Oh right, he’s got a brain.

With Obama’s girth and Biden’s brain, we may be on the way to Oz. Follow the Yellow Brick Road, Democrats, follow the Yellow Brick Road.

Wait. Who’s the Wizard in this case? Hu Jintao?

The Week’s Convention Schedule

1. Sunglasses

2. Drama

3. Sex in the City

4. Anorexia

5. Driving skills

6. Overweight best friend

7. Gossip

8. Perfume

9. Ex-boyfriends

10. You can’t ball