1. Sam Presti, Oklahoma Thunder: Executive of Year

Who would have ever thunk Presti could make us forget the Sonics in such a short time. Seattle grungers must be seething, one more reason to gaze at their shoes.

2. Brook Lopez and Chris Douglas-Roberts: Dynamic Underground Duo of Year

Sure, they’re practically six feet under ground, but they’re still scoring! This is a future “silver lining” for Jersey (IF there is such a thing). BTW, what is Lawrence Frank still doing at the board? Chemistry class was canceled, dude!

3. Paul Westphal, Sacramento Kings: Extreme NBA Makeover Award

If Arnold could have worked this quickly in the capital of Colliefornia? (Well, he might be able to pronounce “Colliefornia” by now.)

4. Houston Rockets: Scrappiest Bunch in the League

Yao and McGrady’s injuries a blessing in disguise for the future of the franchise? What happens with T-Mac in the mix? Does Scrappy Doo Aaron Brooks still have the “Lemme at ‘em! I’ll splat ‘em!” attitude? Or will he have to take a back seat to Scoob Mac?

5. Ron Artest, Los Angeles Lakers: The Quiet Man

Role player extraordinaire, quietly going about his business, a true professional work ethic in action. Can it last? As long as the Lakers are successful it can. And you just know Ron-Ron is going to be making an appearance on next year’s Entourage, especially if the Lakers win the championship. Victory!

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New Yorkers need someone to dump their scorn on. (God knows they don’t want to ruffle Big Baby D’Antoni’s feathers.) “Let’s get A.I.!” Perfect distraction. Perfect scapegoat.

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Dear Mr. Sterling:

Time to finally upgrade your franchise from black & white to color. The first thing that has to go is the white guy in charge of the station. He’s been around as long as rabbit ears — and is about as successful. It sounds like I’m talking about you, Donald, but I’m not, though, now that I think about it…How many bullets you count there, son?

- Concerned Citizens of Clipper Nation

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Do not adjust your dials! Yes, that is the former baseball player/steroid fiend (and black man) named Sammy Sosa.

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Look! Up on the throne! A King! A God! A basketball player! Oh.

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Iron Mike Uses Not So Iron Fist In Fisticuffs at LAX with cameraman.

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Joe Johnson is:

A) Alarmed at his 1st stage “tingly sensation.”
B) Pissed off because ref bit down a little harder than expected.
C) Auditioning for latest reality show Honey, I Grabbed My Penis, & You Should Too.
D) Who cares, it’s just fun watching a guy grab his package in public.
NBA, I Love This Game!

“As do we! We’re all over those NBA packages! We’ll show you tingle!”

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Snatch the nail from the finger, Grasshopper, and you shall be the best.

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