OK, we know they all can’t be role models. But would a grasp of the English language, a few math skills, and half a brain be asking too much?

Dummy: Former Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model.

Quote: “I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”

Comment: He neglected to add: “Well, dem ones that be over 18…without braces.”

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Dummy: Former New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season.

Quote: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

Comment: That all depends, George. Are you counting from zero or dumbass?

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Dummy: Torrin Polk, former University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins.

Quote: “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”

Comment: What’s next? Training bras?

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Dummy: Football commentator and former player Joe Theisman.

Quote: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

Comment: Yeah! Whoever he is.

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Dummy: Bill Peterson, a former Florida State football coach.

Quote: “You guys line up alphabetically by height.” And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.”

Comment: WTF??

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Dummy: Former Chicago Blackhawks Stu Grimson, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker.

Quote: “That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”

Comment: Make sure to buy him a picture book for Christmas.

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Dummy: Boxing trainer Lou Duva on the training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota.

Quote: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”

Comment: “Thata boy, Rock!”

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Dummy: North Carolina State basketball player Chuck Nevitt explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice.

Quote: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”

Comment: Ask yourself one question, Chuck. Is there something hanging between your legs?

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Dummy: Former basketball coach Shelby Metcalf of Texas A&M recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D.

Quote: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

Comment: Thata boy, coach!

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Dummy: Former Houston Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips.

Quote: “Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye.”

Comment: Yeah, and you’re a prince, Bum.

“Soon as I get home, first thing I’m gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!”

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Recommended viewing:

Anatomy of a World Series Catch

The Nuggets Anthony Carter knows about second chances. As a high school drop-out, he didn’t have many options. It was either sell drugs and rob people, like his friends were doing, or play ball.

Carter chose the latter, and he became one of the best basketball hustlers on the streets of ATL. That’s right, “hustler.”

But it didn’t sit right with AC, because he feared he would eventually turn to harder crime — like his seven uncles, all of whom have been in prison at one time or another. He was also afraid he’d wind up dead.

Fortunately, Carter found another way out.

That avenue presented itself on a night when AC had torched an opponent for thirty in a midnight rec-league game. That same player asked Carter if he wanted to go back to school. When Carter said he’d consider it, he was handed the number of a JC coach out in Cali, at Saddleback Community College.

AC had to be prodded by a mentor, but he eventually made the call, headed west to the OC and his legit basketball career was off and running.

But two seasons ago, after seven years in the Association, it looked like the 33-year-old Carter’s NBA run might be over. And without any interest from the league, he was forced to play for the Scafati Basket of Italy. It was the worst basketball experience of his life.

Why?

Start with a ratio of six days of practice a week to one game played, add the eight-hour bus rides to away games, and a language barrier which made it difficult to order at restaurants (he had to call teammates to help), and you have a recipe for homesickness.

In fact, Carter grew so disenchanted, he cut a deal with Scafati to buy out his own contract for $75,000, so he could return to the states and give it one last shot. It was a move he calls “one of the biggest gambles of my life.”

That gamble paid off when the Nuggets signed him. And, as if to reward them, AC put up career numbers last season. OK, they weren’t huge, but they were markedly better than previous years.

“He’s not one of these guys who puts up huge stats,” says Nuggets TV analyst and former NBA player Scott Hastings. “But he always impacts the game. He’s the calming force on the team, like Moses calming the seas.”

Teammate Carmelo Anthony says you can count on Moses to bring toughness and energy to the floor every night. “He pushes everybody on the team,” says Melo. “When he has the ball, all you have to do is keep moving and he’ll find you.”

Carter has, so to speak, become Denver’s Little Engine That Could.

“Our leadership and character still probably isn’t championship caliber, too many emotional breakdowns on and off the court,” says an amiable coach George Karl. “But we’re improving, and Anthony has been a big part of that.” He pauses for effect. “And anyone who says they expected this from him is crazy.”

So what did Carter do differently this time around?

“I stopped drinking, and I’ve kept my body right,” he says. “When I was in Miami, my wife and I partied a lot. We had a lot of fun, but you gotta grow up sometime.”

Yeah, you do. The Nugget organization can only hope his teammates aren’t that far behind.

LOL.

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Get inside the mind of NBA ref Bennett Salvatore in this candid Q & A.

Dallas Mavericks forward James Singleton doesn’t get off the pine too often, but when he does, you can be sure he’s got one thing on his mind.

TGR: How old were you when you first dunked?

JS: Sixteen. I was a late bloomer.

TGR: Describe the experience.

JS: I had been working the entire summer trying to do it. And then I did it one day in practice.

TGR: How many times would you say you failed?

JS: Every attempt until my junior year, just about.

TGR: Once you dunked…

JS: It was good. I learned the mechanics of it. I learned how not to jump lazy. And learn to use more of my athleticism.

TGR: How often did you practice after that.

JS: Couldn’t do anything else but dunk.

TGR: Top 3 dunkers in NBA?

JS: Vince Carter, LeBron James, Desmond Mason.

TGR: Where do you rank?

JS: I’d be in the top 10, definitely.

TGR: Best dunker of all-time?

JS: That’s a tough one. You’d have to go between Dr. J, Dominique Wilkins and Michael Jordan.

TGR: In no particular order.

JS: Right.

TGR: Who most inspired you with the dunk?

JS: Probably Dominique. It was his flair, and also, when he did it, no one really wanted to mess with him when he was in the air. He gained that kind of respect that if he was anywhere in the paint, no one would dare to jump with him.

TGR: Most Amazing dunk you’ve ever seen.

JS: Probably have to be Vince Carter. I think it was his first or second year, and he went baseline, I think it was against Indiana, up to the opposite side of the rim, and went through two guys and still dunked it on the other side of the rim. That was amazing.

TGR: Who would you most like to posterize in the league?

JS: Oh man, there’s too many guys to put on the list.

TGR: Come on.

JS: I got a long list.

Here’s a James Singleton mix on youtube.

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Recommended reading: Mark Cuban on karma and Oreo cookies.

Ray Guy caught up with Lamar Odom at a Laker practice, after Ray was kicked off the court by the Laker’s PR girl. He claims he sunk about 73% of his shots before that. BTW, Do layups count?

TGR: What’s the greatest challenge being a Laker?

LO: Triangle offense. It’s a real intricate offense. It has a lot of substance to it. There’s no play. We don’t call plays.

TGR: Just flow.

LO: Yeah, and every pass can lead to a different option. And can almost lead to a different set. So with every pass I make I can do something different. Some games you might get twenty shots and in an offensive games you might get nine shots.

TGR: So, it looks confined, but it’s really freeing you up once you learn it?

LO: Definitely. It looks confined. But what I like about it is that everybody can play, every position is equal. Like you don’t have to be a center. You can push a point-guard with a center. Push a center with a point-guard play. Everyone is interchangeable. I think that it’s a pass first offense. There’s just a lot to learn, it’s real deep.

TGR: Is it frustrating to you?

LO: Not really. I don’t let not scoring, or not taking a lot of shots frustrate me. As far as my basketball game is concerned, I’m a basketball player, not a scorer, you know. I try to play the whole game. I think it’s just going to make me a better player in the long run. As far as IQ. If you can learn this offense you can play for anybody.

TGR Do you get sick of the whole drama-watch, the soap opera crap that goes on with the Lakers?

LO: That’s only if you really pay attention to it. You got to understand where you’re at, in the market, as far as media coverage is concerned. You can figure it’s also a blessing. I mean, if you play for the Lakers everyone in Japan probably knows you. Your game is probably on in Europe. We get local coverage, national coverage, a lot of coverage. You got to understand the market you’re in. It’s just one of those things.

TGR: What is the difference between putting on a Lakers’ jersey, or putting on a Clippers’ jersey or a Heat jersey or a Rhode Island jersey? Is there a mystique that you feel about it?

LO: There’s definitely a difference. The Lakers got fourteen championships altogether. So, you know how Boston is always good, and yet there’s a difference between the Red Sox and the Yankees. To me the Lakers are like the Yankees of basketball.

TGR: But with a nicer owner.

LO: Yeah, with a really cool owner. Great fan support. The only difference is when you go away, you go to a lot of places, and you see a lot of purple and gold in the crowd. Just like the Yankees. When they go and play in Anaheim, you can see those pinstripes in the crowd. I say it’s really good, because they’ve had a great tradition for a long time.

TGR: What’s the best thing about being Kobe Bryant’s teammate?

LO: The open looks that I get. You know, he demands so much attention.
We get a bunch of television games. You know what I’m saying? That’s because of him. You could feed off the energy. When we walk into a game, he has a great following. So his followers becomes your followers.

TGR: Has Coach brought any unorthodox methods to the table recently?

LO: We meditated one time, that was really different. He talked us through it. I never did that before. One thing I’ve learned in my seven years: is the mind can take you places where the body can’t. And then take your body with it, because that’s how strong it is.

TGR: So, after you meditated, what was the feeling?

LO: It was like a laid back type of thing. And after that we had practice. We really had a good practice. So I imagine we’ll probably do more of that.

TGR: Any other interesting things he’s doing with you?

LO: You know, everybody’s approach is different. He doesn’t yell a lot. People might think he might yell. He’s real laid back. Easy going. But he definitely gets his point across.

TGR: However he has to, right?

LO: Yup. He’s sarcastic. He’s really sarcastic. He picks on the rookies the most.

TGR: What would he be if he wasn’t a coach?

LO: He’d probably have his own talk show, like, what’s my man’s name…Bill Maher. I can see him being like that, having a talk show like that. He knows a little about everything, he’s really smart and intelligent dude.

TGR: You said there’s an extra advantage of putting on a Laker jersey, but is there also, with that Laker cape, an added pressure? Different than say, Miami or a Clipper.

LO: There’s pressure being a Yankee, right? I think pressure is what we thrive on, people that really love to compete.

TGR: What former Laker commands the most respect?

LO: Magic. But, you know, I’m from New York so Kareem is obviously the best center of all time. He scored the most points in basketball history. I don’t know if anybody is ever gonna catch him. LeBron has a chance because he’s so young. But he’s got a lot of scoring to do. But it’s great having Kareem around. Telling you the things that he sees.

TGR: What has he taught you specifically?

LO: You got to be patient. He tells me, all the time, it’s not about scoring. You know, this team just needs somebody to lead them. I just try to stay focused and keep my poise on the court so I can help lead the guys. With Magic, same thing. He’s always around. He has a lot of experience. Especially with me handling the ball, he’s pulling me to the side telling me things I should do running the break, try to get everybody involved.

TGR: What’s the Lakers greatest fear?

LO: Simple: losing, man. Some teams, if they just make the playoffs, they get a pat on the back, saying: “you gonna get ‘em next time.

TGR: Are the Lakers still the world’s favorite team?

LO: I would say it’s a race between the Lakers and the Yankees. The Yankees might be one up, because if you go to Italy and try to get a baseball cap, the Yankee cap is like everywhere. It’s part of fashion. The Lakers are right there, the Cowboys.

TGR: So the Lakers have to get back on top?

LO: Yeah. I mean, winning is important. You need to win to be successful on the court. And everything follows along with it.