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If you’re like me, and I know you are (because you’re a dude), you think it would be cool to have the power to cruise down the street and have your way with any half-decent looking woman that walks on two legs (one if she has nice hooters). I’m here to tell you that this dream isn’t out of the question — and you don’t even have to be Johnny Depp or David Hasselhoff to achieve it. It’s all about the PMM — Personal Male Mojo. Either you got it, or you don’t. If you don’t, you got work to do. 1. Where Are YOU Going? The Deal: Stop exerting so much energy trying to guess/fantasize about who is going with you and start putting the focus on where you’re supposed to be going. One giant step for, well, yourself. The Fact: Never being able to get off the Perpetual Pursuit of Pussy treadmill will render you a slave to the pussy. Being a perpetual slave to the pussy makes you a perpetual doormat. The Path: Stop scouring every inch of the land for your dream girl(s). Zeroing in on your personal goals will change the dynamic you have with women. Instead of repelling them, because you’re always hunting, you’ll attract them because of your PMM. The Skinny: Chicks dig a man on a mission — as long as it doesn’t include a smoke run down to 7-11, or walking a mile in her heels. 2. “Rejection” Doesn’t Exist For Mr. PMM The Deal: If you’re one of those dudes who fears rejection, guess what? Chances are you’re not going to take a lot of chances, and therefore your odds at smacking the behind will be limited. The Fact: Dudes who score don’t think in terms of “rejection.” They think, “numbers game.” Here’s the Chinese fortune: Man who afraid of rejection, afraid of oneself. In other words: there is a lack of self-confidence. The Path: It’s time for personal boot camp (without the panty raid). Take the necessary time and figure out who you are in your relationship to a) yourself, and b) the world. You ask, “How the hell do I figure out my relationship to myself?” Think of it in terms of de-fragging your hard (soul) drive — before you infect hers. The Skinny: Sculpt yourself into a self-sufficient man who actually likes himself and rejection will never be a four-letter word again. “Um, it’s nine letters.” Exactly, Genius! 3. A Good Offense Is a Good Offense (Fuck The Defense) The Deal: A lot of men (and many, many women!) come to the mating game with a defensive posture that says: “It’s our team against yours. Your team has fucked me over before, and I won’t be forgetting it, and will be exacting revenge throughout our relationship.” The Fact: Oh, the clusterfuck you’re bringing to the table. This creates an oppositional force from the onset, pitting Team Venus vs. Team Mars in a duel to the death — or alimony payments, whichever comes first. The Path: Leave that Ricki Lake victim-hood bullshit behind with the (trailer) trash. You want to know the secret? It’s all about learning to use the fertilizer for personal growth. The Skinny: Kill ‘em with understanding and kindness. Then bang the…Actually, I was thinking more in terms of the (perhaps) mythical notion of “co-creation.” 4. The Land Of The Miserable Is Yours For The Taking The Deal: Too many peeps think the grass will never be greener on the other side, so they latch onto a significant other out of fear of nothing better coming along. The Fact: Divorce happens for two reasons. One: we’re certainly not bio-programmed for being monogamous. Two: we hook-up/settle with someone because we fear going through life single — and being in a monogamous relationship with our favorite hand. The Path: Don’t be afraid of going through life single! It’s working for Hasselhoff! The Skinny: No one can make you permanently happy (shocker: except yourself), but they can certainly make you permanently miserable. 5. Know When To Hold ‘Em, Know When To Fold ‘Em The Deal: Too many of us hold on long after the thrill is gone. OK, it’s dead and buried. The Fact: We do it out of societal pressure, guilt, shame and the belief that we don’t deserve better. Bullshit. The Path: If the gut is telling you to split, then split (just leave her the T & T: tampons and Tupperware). The Skinny: If Girl A gets dumped by Boy B and decides to kill herself, is this Boy B’s fault? Unless he was tying her arm off and mainlining for her (read: being an emotional crutch), unequivocally: NO. 6. If The Door Shuts, Another One Is Opening The Deal: Most of us sit around and stare at the door (that just shut in our face) for endless days, weeks, months, years, lifetimes. Boo-hoo. Get over it! The Fact: Closures always come with the opportunity to begin anew. But, of course, who is ready to begin anew when they feel like shit about themselves? (Maybe that’s Hasselhoff’s problem.) The Path: Once again, it’s about “no blame,” and using the fertilizer for personal growth. Of course, this is after you’ve left the beheaded Barbie on the hood of her pink Corvette. The Skinny: Move on. Just don’t jump from one rebound to the next without taking the necessary timeout in between. The new door will be open when you’re ready. 7. All Men And Women Were NOT Created Equal The Deal: Finding an equal takes time. Finding a dark place to hang your tool takes less. The Fact: Too many unhappy couples out there scraping by because they didn’t hold out until they met their match — or Barry Manilow. The Path: Not to have some unrealistic Playboy bunny ideal, but the belief that you can meet someone who challenges you in a positive sense — and chocolate milk. Someone to pour you that. The Skinny: If it really is “forever,” don’t you want to go there with someone you actually want to talk to after the sweat dries and Sportscenter is over? 8. You Are Fucking Man(ilow), Hear U Roar (as long as it doesn’t sound like The Polyphonic Spree) The Deal: Hiding our inner kink makes our outer appearance look as conspicuous as George Michael at a boy scout weenie roast — dressed like one of those Spree dudes. The Fact: We’re horny beasts, man. So are women, man. They just think they’re better at hiding it…Man. The Path: Attract someone into your life that will engage you in horny beast behavior — not hinder it. Sex should be fun, not routine and missionary (unless you’re Oprah). The Skinny: Being honest up front will save you loads of trouble, confession and time spent strapping on four condoms down the line. 9. The Sins Of The Father ARE Visited Upon The Son The Deal: However much we don’t like to admit it, we become our fathers. The Fact: We carry on just like Dysfunctional Dad, bringing our “stuff” to the table to share with Dysfunctional Mom. This leads to Dysfunctional Son, and possible global warming. The Path: Become The Dad - 2.0 version. Out with the bad, in with the good… The Skinny: For each generation, it gets harder to break the cycle. Be the man who owns up to his own life: help global cooling in the process. The Eskimos will thank you. 10. Always Look At The Bright Side Of Life The Deal: Call it the Century Of Self-Importance. We’re all walking around with cell phone in hand trying to act all serious and popular, when in reality, we’re getting further lost on an island of self-doubt — not to mention horrible TV. The Fact: Life definitely could just be a piece of shit when you look at it. But if you learn to laugh at it, chicks’ll dig you. Yes, humor as the great aphrodisiac. The Path: It’s time to smell the shit. And learn to laugh and be a part of it. The Ultimate Skinny: Life is too short to sit around lamenting not getting laid, or being hung up on a cross. Channel the energy, Brian. Become a man, and may the song always be close to your fart. * Check out more of our Dating Tips. |
