Thursday, April 10
And
we wonder about the heavy burdens of airlines
Chainsaw
Homeless Massacre: Run! Run!
All
you need to know: His name is Loren Two Bulls
Open
wide and say: Oh no! F*ck! Ur not a dentist
Human
slave boy gets out alive
Do
as I say, not as I drive
Everything
must go! Underwear included, yum
In
Indo: No happy ending for you
Dude,
where's my car?
14-yr-old
wants more than 50 Cent
You
want a guitar, man? I'll show u a gui-tar
Elvis
is back! Well, not really, and who cares?
Will
he? Won't he? It's Brett Favre, who the hell knows?
Treehouse
Man finds new home: awwwwww
Wednesday, April 9
Hey,
Ma! Look what we found. Got any ding dongs?
The
Devil's hanging at Phillip's 66: hello taser!
After
School Program with the Principal
Shatner
left out of new Trek orbit
It's
all in the poker face
Robber
dude, you been faced
Dumbass
Robber of the Day
In
Venezuela: Simpsons no good, Baywatch, good
Tuesday, April 8
You
know you're a rich asshole when...
Self
wants to take care of self
Cheerleaders
have such important skills
Conan's
priest-stalker says he's sorry
If
it looks like a pedophile...
Sex
and the dumbass meth head
From
the FOX sexpert
Beware
of south of border hookers
When
skanky cheerleaders should B rounded up & shot
The
Shot
Virgins
to the left, non-virgins to the right
When
Hockey Pucks Go Wild
"I'll
buy you some chewing tobacco, Inmate No. 5678"
Bachelor
No. 456 likes romantic walks on beach, and...
Squirrelman
not nuts, just wants to be left alone
NCAA
Boxscore
Car
49, Car 49, are you still with us?
4-yr-old
preparing for life as busboy a little early
You
just knifed your wife to death: have a million
Termites
rob Indian man blind
Shucks,
what's a wedding without a good ole tasering?
"I'm
telling u, man! I know where the guns are stashed!"
Big
news day in San Luis Obispo, CA.
Dude,
put the bear spray down
Stone
Temple Pilots reunite: do we care?
John
Cleese in desperate need of work
Monday, April 7
Miss
USA girls in bikinis: give those girls a rice cake
Aussie
hoodlums batter high school
The
burden of being a housewife
Inter-breeding
Down Under
He
may be 100, but that didn't slow him down
W.W.E
wrestler apparently left something behind
Memphis'
Rose: too many gummi bears
"I'm
kind of a big deal. Maybe you've seen me..."
Wild,
naked & on the run
How
NOT to Succeed in Robbery While Really Trying
Another
weekend, another tasering & nakedness
Moscow
Fashion Week = snatchwear
Weekend
Thong Award
Sugar
Puffs addict puts the L in Loser
Woman
thought loves never dies -- twice
When
Chimps Go Bad
This
Rat's For You, Stockholm
Friday, April 4
3-yr-old
ousted at school
Idiotic
Surf Wipeout of the Day
"We'll
be over at like 2 to rob you, K?"
OK,
bitch, we'll split everything right down the middle
Just
give the brother a hotdog
Dude,
ain't no piece of tail worth all this sh*t
Thursday, April 3
Taser
of the Day
He
only wanted to be alone
Dude
thought it was a threeway in the sand
Dumbass
Robber of Day
That
14-yr-old web love of yours...
Is
that a strat in ur pants, or ru just happy to see me?
Ted
Nostradamus Turner
Come
on now, people, you lawmakers are just jealous
Wednesday, April 2
Taser
of the Day
It's
the Crying Game all over again
College
Texting Gone Wild: stop it already!
We
now interrupt your TV station, with porn
Dude
gets divorced. Twice. In three minutes or less
Um,
sir, you're not dead, can you come with us
For
you hip Osmond Family fans
Do
U want fries with that? No, do you want sumin' ?
CSI
Oregon cracks craigslist robbery
"Hey,
what were we supposed to analyze today?"
Dude,
this ain't the Wild West, chill
"Hey,
boss, lookie: he's got donuts"
Tuesday April 1
History
of April Fools Day
You
see! This sh*t happens in Finland too
We'll
invent a category for just about anything
Dumbass
Robber of Day
Get
over it: DB Cooper has still vanished
If
a man wants to bone his picnic table...
Man
has to go to pub with mummy or daddy only
Sweat
bans bloke from gym
You
wanna talk smack about the Governorator?
Myspace
responsible for the world's ills?
"Life
in the Slow Lane..."
Your
credit card may just be Satan in disguise
"Sports"
we don't want to see after Final Four is over
Clippers
still will suck
Monday, March 31
What
happens in Indiana, doesn't stay in Indiana
Hey,
Obama: nice shoes! Look out gutter...
Punch
me now, bitch
All
four No.1 seeds number one, for now
Can
you kick me in the 'nads, please?
Hey,
let's take his kayak out for a joyride
A
penny for your thoughts now
Male
bodies: Dangerous for you to look at??
Alcohol
or drugs may have factored into it
Young
Punk Ass Whoopin' of the Day
Cell
phone science: You're going to die one day
Real
Heroes
Message
on LAX bathroom wall: For a good time call...
Brit
thinks Bush tastes like cristy potato
Cult
dude's got problems: it ain't the end of world
Dumbass
Couple of the Weekend
Um,
all we can say is: YUCK!
Dude
can't drive, just 5
Would
you let this guy date your sister?
More
proof that the media corrupts
First
you're able to fend off robber, next move...
You
see what tigers do to people's lives?
Friday, March 28
Wow,
now this sh*t is sad
Take
a Robber to Dinner Day
"He
swiped my crack like a visa"
Man
tries to write check on TP, hint, hint
I'm
not a terrorist! I'm only a science student
SUV
interrupts dude's dump
How
about your prank 911 call now, buddy?
If
you receive $11,000 in your mailbox...
Pastor
goes missing. Gee, where could he be?
Thursday, March 27
Someone
needs to be sent to sleep with the fish
No
news flash: Shaq, you're old, fat and washed up
You
can tell someone's a dumbass when...
Bayou
Bob in a little trouble
Yup,
I'm a total whack-job, live with it, or don't
Ultimate
action for the kiddies
And
the least sexy TV host is...
What?
You don't think pigeons find my thong sexy?
Um,
yeah, whatever it was, it wasn't me
Hey,
GNR, we want our Pepper!
Ouch!!!!
My balls!!!! My hairy balls!!!!
I
molest boys because of Big Foot, that's why!
As
the Spitzer Girls come out of closet for their closeup
That's
right, I stabbed the mo-fo, bye-buh
Have
you been doggie-dooring?
That's
10 days per word, pal
Wednesday, March 26
Warning:
DO NOT smoke dope near the cash
If
this isn't kinky, I don't know what is
Oh
Bunny, please protect from all these mean people
You
ain't got Jack
And
he told her satellite TV would enhance their
lives
Finnish
tourist gets an earful, almost
Let's
sniff some glue and go down to the tracks today...
Prison
officer in drag, carrying egg, for Hannah Montana
Dumbass:
But no one was waiting to drive me home
Prankmaster
nails NYT
When
a rattle says "welcome home"
Dude,
where's your rocket?
Cheerleader
down! Quick, get the cam up her skirt
Tuesday, March 25
"Check
this freak out! I did this to him. Ain't it cool?"
Dude,
get a f*cking life!
New
NY gov on the hotseat
Don't
take my spleen!
Utah
St. students living soooo dangerously
SI
swimsuit model attracted to 63-yr-old for his "brains"
Dumbass
Robber of the Day just needed a drink
World's
tallest man still lives with mom
You
pray while I take your gutter
Monday, March 24
The
Oreo Defense
I'm
gonna get you gopher
Hey
China: we know ur f-ed up, you're just rich & f-d
up
Pop-and-fresh
pistol
Have
you checked your crack today?
The
rave is just going to have to wait
Jury
duty is boring, what else did u expect him to do?
Sex
offender wants to be your mayor
Someone
must've thought this guy was a true a-hole
Thursday, Marchmadness 20
Sex-toy
minibars -- oh my!
These
kids will be sure to grow up model citizens
I
got the meat, motherfu...Did I forget something else?
History
of March Madness
Oh,
poor, poor Oedipus, well, maybe poor mom's bf
No
sequel for Russian Rambo
It's
crack for St. Paddy's day
Nice
guys finish FIRST: Take that a-holes
Wow!
Those cheerleaders are good...NOT
Wednesday, March 19
"When
u wanna get down, convulse on the ground..."
One
of Hogan's Heroes joins Hogan in...well, wherever
Scumbag
White Trash Father & Son of Year
Spitzer
Girl already had Gone Wild
Sarah
Jessica Parker: skankiest woman in showbiz
Hey,
if you wanna die, why not ask your robot to do it?
And
the winner of this year's Rotten Sneaker contest
Tuesday, March 18
Britney:
WTMT -- white trash mom in training
I'm
loving it! McD's employees busted for...
Secret
crimes of Gilligan & his mates
17-yr-old
knocks-up 16-yr-old, might go 2 jail for 25 yrs
Brotha
only wanted to give the kids the luck of the Irish
Peeing
in the lunchbox
Lapdance
Gone Bad?
And
he thought copper would give up & take money
Help!!
They're stealing my dope plants!
Dumbass
Arsonist of the Day
Who
designated him a "model prisioner?"
Bet
the nurses had a blast with this mule
Oh,
you camel f*ckers are just too disgusting
Youtubers
not only got indigestion at Del Taco...
Ex-NJ
Gov had threesomes
Monday, March 17
So
boyscouts aren't as "scouty" as you thought
Oops,
we missed it again
Honey,
put a couple of extra burgers on the grill
Now
that's a joyride!
A
ceratin Dick just doesn't get it
Dumbass
Doper of the Day
Note:
this sh*t won't work in California
Dude
was playing youtube with the wrong cops
Let
geek work on ur computer, be prepared 2 pay price
Who
cares? Your dad was dead. Like he could enjoy it?
Crackhead
of the Weekend
Runner-up:
Crackhead of the Weekend
Beer
makes you smarter than wine?
Dr.
Evil, I presume?
Don't
worry, this thing will guard the crops
Naked
Hulk outstays his welcome
Handcuffed
and manages to steal ur car: Great job!
Friday, March 14
Lady,
his nickname was "Toaster," what ru thinking?
Please
Mr. Postman, look and see...a thong?
Dear
Miss Ashley Dupre, the ride has only just begun
Richard
Gere free to go back to home country: India
Hey!
Tom's having a birthday! Invite the Thetans!
One
more "service" town pissed-off at Spitzer
Your
candidate, his gaffe
Street
corner hustle takes down ho...
McCartney,
no choice but to say let it be...u mother#$
Thursday, March 13
Hello
Playboy, and career boost: "Thanks, Eliot!"
A
moat? Es no bueno, amigos
Whacko
"bunny" wants to get on Oprah
Hey!
Do you want your very own cop car?
Wednesday, March 12
Spitzer's
winning hooker
Skittles
and the case of the f*cked student
Tell
me she wouldn't be good in bed
The
Bonaduce and the Loser
Man
vs. Grape
Drunk
driving cop smashes into wrong building
Sucks
when homeless dude is calling YOU a drunk
The
New Rich and their hoes
Sorry,
robbery suspect had another date
Razor
wielding psycho in court
Beware
the Chinese beeotch
Mafioso
too fat for jail
Tuesday, March 11
Dumbass
is on Candid Camera
You
want to see what Spitzer was up against?
No
more "wee-wee" cam for you!
FYI:
Don't forget your rubbers, boys
Lameass
Reporter of Day award (hint: "currently
serving?")
Happiness
is...NOT being a soccer ref in Italy
The
2008 Smog Olympics: BYOI (inhalator)
Monday, March 10
F*ckin'
gotta love George Clooney
800
pounds and nowhere to picnic
Marlin
hunting for hogs
The
Game released and looking for more court time?
Youse
punks don't want to nap, eh?
Karma
Patrol
Obama
not playing second fiddle
Hey, mate, you got the keys?
FYI:
Don't let her go for the condoms
If
you're dumb enough to ride shopping cart towed by carFriday,
March 7
She's
a hottie, he's 14, you decide what's right
Street
performer offered more than the gold
Can
you hear me now, motherf*cker? (in Chinese)
CSI:
Donutville
If
you have to be a driving instructor...
Their
scam was sooooo 1960s
Dude
suing former high school because he's retarded
Daycare
Embarrassment of the Year Award goes to...
Breaking
up is NOT SO hard to do
You
must be over this height to go on the litigate ride
Thursday, March 6
Wow,
this is just flat-out COOL
"I'll
cut you, man, I'll cut you! You too, kids"
Hope
he got enough footage for the porn site
"I
just always wanted to be a cop, man!"
Doing
more chores equals sex? Well, duh
Chicks
at school will no longer dig this kid
Um,
you know that fly on your wall...?
U
F*CKING put ur kids in dryer, what's there to debate?
Wednesday, Mar. 5
So
long you Sapp
Who
farted? Two farted
This
explains it: Moses was high, motherfuc...
BoSox
scout tries to recruit pool girls
WTF
is "gleeking?"
Dude,
don't tase the livestock!
I'll
get you to the golf match on time, son
Tuesday, March 4
Say
it ain't so, Brett! Let the retirement fuss begin
If
you want to hang out you've got to take her out...
Taser
of the Day goes to one of their own
Work
been getting you down, son?
Steve-O
in Jail-O
"Hey,
I bet you'd snap my penis off, hahaha"
Hillary:
C-List celebs & fake brew ain't gonna win votes
Someone,
definitely whiffed
The
New Way to Meet Chicks
Who
in the hell would drink this sh*t anyway?
Couldn't
the kid just have mooned the passing cars?
This
is one puss you don't want to mess with
Monday, March 3
Kid
Rock just wanted the waffles, beeotch
Hey,
Eddie, say it ain't so. You guys "jumped?"
Sleazeball
Paparazzo dumps former Queen of Pop?
Attention Mall Shoppers: RUN!
Talk
about a Mr. Clean job!
This
cat couldn't get out of tree
How
do u think the Gnome felt? Gnomes have feelings2
You
know what's totally gay?
Round
up the usual sporks, we're doing a DNA
Make
sure blood is fresh and bacon cubes diced finely
The
Prince is having way too much fun at War
If
u were a "Hoboken" SWAT officer, what would
u do?
Friday, Feb. 29
"Me
love gasoline, me love gasoline"
Twin
porno brothers arrested for their other jobs
Robber
might smell good, but he sure ain't lookin' good
One
Leaping Idiot
Larry
King tries to bust a move
You
don't want to be hailing this cab
Dumbass
Robbery of Day
Thursday, Feb. 28
Internet
Love: It's so dreamy
"Duct...Duct...Duct...DEAD!!!!!"
It's
been two weeks, they won't remember me
I'll
have a steak medium rare, preferably with pubes in it
Cop
disses department store thief
Someone's
gonna get (already got one?) a belly
Football
lessons Down Under: R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Dude,
you're a Prince, what the hell ya doin'?
Hey
it's almost baseball season! Time for: Favre Watch!
If
U can't buy Ur girl boobs (because u don't have a girl)
Reason
No.1 it's good to work on the ground level
The
Governorator hatches brilliant plan
When
myspace takes down a thug
You
mean, he might not have been telling the truth??
"Your
dog just ate my leg off": COPS!
Machette
wielding robbers a little surprised
World's
first eyeball tattoo
Cops
clocked him at a whopping 3 mph. Pull it over!
Wednesday, Feb. 27
Democratic
Debate gets a little testy
Mom:
remember this next time u shave ur punk's head
Dumbass
Robber of the Week
Runner-up
for Dumbass Robber of the Week
Come
on! You know cops are armed & taserous
I
just always wanted to be in Playgirl
If
she was your wife, wouldn't you do same thing?
Nothing
says "hedge" like Mary J.
He-She
a little upset at our prison system
A
20 yr-old chick and a 72 yr-old dude? Gotta be love
When
BDSM Goes Bad
Why
couldn't they have just played Twister?
Waffle
House VIP out of control
Ad
Man: "I'm not lovin' it any longer!" so long
cruel world
At
least their last meal was sweeeeeeeeet
Hey,
man, a family's gotta eat
Tuesday, Feb. 26
Would
you like chopsticks with your prison meal, sir?
Not
your average day at the circus for this 10-year-old
Road
Rage: Jeep vs. Motorcycle
"No
one can get you closer to the sharks...OOPS!"
Threeway
Down the Highway
Yo,
you want to go to the emergency room in NYC?
Monday, Feb. 25
Happy
belated BDay Abe Vigoda! You're still with us
Life
is sometimes a snow ball in the face: LET IT GO
Nerd
Nader back in: think he played right field as kid?
Hey
Man: Losing your hair? There's hope
The
Naked Cowboy: neither rain nor sleet nor...
Like
you didn't know: Shaq Still Sucks
Hey!
That's my police dog, motherf*cker!
Cop's
dine-and-ditch leads to...
Lesson
for homeless people: How to get three sqaures
If
you're 16 and she's 13, best think twice
British
Rain Man Found OK, folks
How
to get a kid to put a thermometer up his bum?
Talk
about a "clinger"
FLA
Marlins show just how hard-up for tic sales they are
Friday, Feb. 22
Winner
of Best Taser..(I'm sure he'd like to thank mom)
And
the runner-up for Best Original Tasering goes to...
And
the award for Best Supporting Dumbasses...
And
the award for Best Karma...
And
the award for Best Stand-in...
The
Rocket on Candid Camera?
The
Polite Bank Robber
91-yr-old,
wheezing and armed
In
Scotland, the firemen find tough work to do
Aussie
mayor finds darkside & he's going to jail
When
being tried 4 DUI, best not to arrive in court drunk
Do
you take this woman to...Quick! Cover your balls!
When
Boxers Drive
That
jacket looks very nice on you, sir...
Hey
kids, wanna see my gun?
He
bought an artificial vagina: YES, he's tired of yours
Hypocritical
Chairwhoreman of the Year
They
pray about sex toys before adding them to site
Britney's
personal paparazzi on hold
Hey,
Lady, if this ex-cop wants to marry you too...
A
DUI twice-a-day should keep the license away
"Model"
Duke Lax players sue their school
Hey
OJ: F*ck you again
Expelled
myspace illiterate
Utah
students armed and prepared
"Everyone
loved my pitbull." Tell that to dude w/nail gun
What
Would Jared Do?
Thursday, Feb. 21
Final
trade of the wild western conference?
DO
NOT piss on the monument!
Pauly
Shore's Nightmare on Craven St.
Picasso,
make way for "Pricasso"
Oh,
is this guy a dumbass
72-yr-old
gets into an accident outside 7-11...
More
Frat Pledgees Gone Bad coverage
Accidental
Penis Exposure?
Hey,
mom: you're the one that hatched the four punks!
Hmm,
terrorist or not?
American's
most "convenient" bank is pretty lame
Is
that any way to treat your adopted parents?
She
was providing him w/ "safe & spiritual"
place 2 live
Careful
when you call the beeotch "ugly"
Has
McCain been boning down?
Cops
nab two dumbasses with two phone calls
Direct
hit, motherf...
Wednesday, Feb. 20
People:
DO NOT drive & shoot, there's kids in the car
Purse
snatcher gets dog-piled
Terminal
not home for homeless dude anymore
Dilbert
takes aim at real-life Dilbert injustice
Eight
Ways to Skin a Castro
Streaker
vs. Horses
Man
makes one of most expensive typos ever
Frat
Pledgers Gone Bad: Mugshots
On
your mark, get set...fire!
Science
tip for the kiddies: Don't mess with the bullet
When
date rape goes good
Obama/McCain
roll on
Nude
hijinx at the Dunkin' Donuts
Wake n' bake topic of the morning: the Universe
Tuesday, Feb. 19
In
honor of a Decade of Jared
Keith
Van F-ing Horn??
I
said: NO SMOKING, BITCH!
Frat
Pledge Gone Bad
Two
crashes in three minutes: not bad, pal
DVD:
the format that saves lives
The
Deported Immigrant of the Week Award goes to...
LSD
mastermind not tripping up DEA any longer
Videogamer
makes the wrong call
White
Trash Couple of the Week
Adios
Castro: toilet paper for everyone!
Croc
Hunter Jr. following in dad's footsteps
Look
out below!
Railworker
says he was goosed
Monday, Feb.18
Walken
in drag
The
Diddy defense: "He ran into my fist"
Marry
a Beatle, get rich
Favorite
nerds of the 80s
Blow-up
Bob ties the knot
Paris
the Pussycat Doll: gag me
That's
gotta hurt...
Alcohol
and hot coals? Ouch, motherf...
Human
pelican arrested for drunk driving
Man
robs store, then plans to "get lucky"
If
you rob a gas station w/gun, make sure it's loaded
Tagger
popped after 9-year hunt
Hey
Average Guy, how long will it take you to propose?
Vagina
trouble for high school newspaper editor
Police
station vacant, why not rob it?
Friday, Feb. 15
Youngest
Drunk of the Week
Lameduck
Douchebag President of the Last 8 Years
Mexico's
"policeman of the year" in trouble
Jane
Fonda drops the C-word
The
McNamee Files
Twins
take on burglar
Feces
in court doesn't help the defense
Talk
about "get a life"
What's
he hiding in his bedside drawer?
Bondsgate
gets confusing
16-yr
old boy knocks up the wrong skank
Bush
orders "shootdown" of dangerous satellite
Do
Not trying the Choking Game at home
Schizo
inmate knocks up Shrink
Thursday, Feb 14
How
many times a day does a girl think about sex?
Dallas
trade spoiler Devean George
Hey,
Salty Balls, send ur girl V-Day greeting from Chef
F*cking
OJ can't stay out of the news
NYC
Naked Cowboy wants his candy too, in dollars
Not
your everyday bail bondsman
Who's
single, who's not, and why
Pot
Burgers Burn Copper
Worst
campaign (MUSIC) video ever?
Gunfight
at the East Timor Corral
Dude
disappears in Denver
Two
burglars with one stone
Cop
vs. Naked Guy w/Samurai Sword
Relax,
honey, there's no one under the bed...
This
is a cool invention
The
Fonz plays tribute to Jack Tripper
Larry
Craig, you're a poofter, face it
Wednesday Feb. 13
Honey,
I Blew Up The Kids: Mullah version
NY
Dungeon boy lives
BEWARE:
online Valentine greetings from strangers
Star
Wars fans rejoice: animation time
IU's
Kelvin Sampson on line two...again
Paris
Hilton's lil bro busted
Gary
Coleman Finds True Love (awwwwwww)
Softball?
Drunken orgies? Must be FLA's penal system
Spielberg
disses China
Assault
with a deadly baguette?
Tuesday, Feb. 12
Greatest
Cop Ever! No, "dude," we mean it
Gay
enlisting help for All-Star Slam Dunk
Dude
gets dumped in his wheelchair by beeotch cop
How
many shots of tequila is too many?
There
are no stupid questions...only stupid answers
Students
get show-and-not-quite-tell surprise from Teach
Remember
those Muhammed cartoons?
Beware
the mini bar
Mini
Me of the gym
Youtube
dipshits
You
think your EX is a nightmare?
Monday, Feb. 11
If
you're trying to light cig, a propane torch isn't best
bet
Beerjackers
foiled again
Art
thieves score big in Zurich
BDSM
dude hanging by thread
Dude
Looks Like a Lady
Man
hides wife for 23 years
Everybody
start your engines: it's time to Sexercise!
You
mother**&$^&#(#@#* cops
Do
you suffer from...Sexsomnia???
Dude
invents "vitamin beer"
May
the Sharks Be With You: RIP Roy Schneider
Friday, Feb.8
Gambino
Crime Family Busted
