Archive for April, 2011

How to Get Laid: Lesson 1

Posted by Mr. Guy April - 3 - 2011 - Sunday ADD COMMENTS

Guys,

We all need to get laid, it’s in our nature. So here’s the first installment in a continuing series of advice, stories and anecdotes that will help you grow your game.

Lesson 1:

You need to learn how to, first,  finesse a woman with your ways of the world, and, second, set about your plans to conquer her in the bedroom. And, while we’ll never truly be able to stop plotting and fantasizing about the Big Bonedown, this order shouldn’t be reversed.

Your focus, early on in the game (18-30) should be to: develop your ways of the world. Take time for this crucial aspect in shaping the overall you, and you’ll easily lap your male opponents in the long run. In fact, you’ll have so much p*ssy at your door that you’ll be inviting your neighbors over for “sloppy seconds,” and thirds. Fourths, anyone?

What the hell are “ways of the world”? Pretty much everything that is going to give you dimension and versatility and make you an MVP in, not only the game of p*ssy, but, the game of life (which, you’ll find, when you get a little older, is a far bigger stage).

Your game should consist of:

  • Knowledge – About more than her bra size, and how to accumulate more fake friends on Twitter. Learn things, man!
  • Physicality – Get it in f*cking shape. Stop waiting until tomorrow. Stop eating like sh*t. If you look good, you’re going to feel good, and so will she, about you. Here’s our article about how to trim weight fast.
  • Culture – You gotta go deeper than American Idol and the Spike Channel. Talking indie films and music, history of Midget Art in the 20th Century, this kind of thing. No! Not Midget Art (though there’s nothing wrong with it!), but culture, man, get out and read some cool publications and get turned on to it! Nerdy, smart chicks are the BEST in bed.
  • Talent – What do you do? No. What do you do? Do you do anything besides what it is that you do? If you don’t, you need to start doing. Take the sailing class, learn the extra language, climb the highest peak, live for something other than her…well, you know, p*ssy.

BTW, I highly recommend you learn how to play an instrument, guitar  would be a good start.  It’s worked well for me! It’s the “sensitivity” thing that they really go in for. And, yeah, “sensitivity” works well to get laid, but it only goes so far. You’ll still need to learn HOW to f*ck the sh*t out of them after you’ve made them cry.

Upcoming: How to Get Laid: Lesson 2 “What She Really Wants in Bed.” Hint: It’s not a pet monkey and some Cheetos.

monkey-with-a-pet-cat

Pussy: “Um, you sure you want to put that Cheeto up my bum?”

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