If Once was enough for you, dude, that’s fine. Skip this sh*t. But, if you’re like some of us (dare I say, “sensitive types”) who experienced the movie on a certain profound, cathartic level, you need to check out Glen Haspard and his band the Frames.

The Frames rock a little harder than the music from Once (sometimes, a lot harder), but central to the sound is what made Once so invigorating: Haspard’s ability, and gift, to dive below the surface of social artifice and penetrate the innermost reaches of his soul.

Vulnerability. It’s quickly dissipating from society. But what else should we expect in a future world dominated by ‘bots, clones, and chips? In other words, dig artists like Haspard while we’ve got them around.

Listen to these three songs:

SONG - ALBUM
1. Revelate - Fitzcarraldo
2. Everytime - Even Better Than The Real Thing
3. Star Star - Dance the Devil

Gas prices getting you down? Of course they are! What kind of stupid motherf…would ask that question? All right, fair enough. But you may be a little surprised, need we say, “comforted,” to know the US isn’t on the bottom of the gas food chain.

Here’s a looks at how some other countries fair in the name of good ole ga
soline.

1. STFU!

We don’t care how “wasted!” you are. We came to hear the music, not you telling your best friend how “wasted” you are 45 times. And that goes for you, too, lady. We don’t want to hear the idiocy out of your mouth either, no matter how hot you are.

2. STFUOYCP

STFU on your cell phone. Can you not leave that thing alone for two hours? I know, two hours is asking a lot. Five minutes? For example, see: Linus, blanket.

3. Don’t take our f*cking seat

We may be a little late, but we’re coming — and would rather not look like a dickwad while we stand in someone’s way while you pull your finger/ticket out of your ass.

4. Reefer Madness

If you’re going to spend the whole night blowing chronic in our face, at least offer us a toke. We promise to spring for munchies.

5. Stage Fright

If you seize up and can’t pee for a minute, you need to step away from the urinal and go to the back of the line. Just go. We tried to be silent for you.

6. Fight Club

Leave that sh!t in the driveway. Once again, speaking for most, easygoing, concert aficionados, we didn’t show up for the night to be battered and bloodied. Last time we checked, MMA wasn’t playing on the marquee.

7. Come Blow Your Horn

No, actually, don’t. We’re all stuck in the parking lot for an hour after the concert. Is it our fault you didn’t save any chronic? Who’s chillin’ now, beeotch?

8. Don’t Be a Hater

Even if you think the opening act sucks monkey balls, give him a hand or two, he’s just trying to scrape by like the rest of us. Lighter salute anyone?

9. Get your camera phone out of our face

One or two pics is fine, but when it becomes a whole evening…Ever heard of being in the moment? BTW, what exactly separates your grandmother’s photo albums from your digital collection? Other than the donkey balls. Yes! Your myspace page is f-ing lame!

10. Play or Pay

If we pay 75 dollars to see your ass live on stage, and the majority of your “live” time consists of you lying on the ground coughing up barbiturates, expect a bottle or two to land on your head. Ryan Adams, beware.

11. Learn to Recycle

If you do BYOB, don’t leave it where the rest of us end up kicking it over. We don’t want to have to pick the shards of glass out of our hippy girlfriend’s bare feet. This is not an aphrodisiac.

SUMMING UP: All things considered: respect, and have fun. Just not at our expense. You have been warned! Oh, yeah, one last thing: When in doubt…STFU!

Om…

*

Recommended reading: 11 Ways to be More of a Myspace Whore

My first thought upon seeing Ed Begley (Jr.) standing in my local supermarket trying to sell product was: Oh, great, those darn actors went on strike and now this poor thespian was forced into a second job.

I didn’t really think that. But I did ask him if he was prepping for the strike. He replied: “I’m doing the Paul Newman thing.”

You actors. Gosh darnnit, you’re special. But, so are we, right? The common people. I know this because, as I watched the other storemongers interact with (Jr.), I realized life is but a stage, and all the men and women…no, I don’t want to quote that trite B.S. here.

But it’s true, we’re all acting like something with one another. It was just, in that instance, (Jr.) was so much better at it than anyone in the store.

Ample evidence occurred when the 6′4″ Transgender (once a dude, might still be a dude) in the long, flowery red dress parked it at (Jr.)’s table and introduced him/herself. It wasn’t long before the two were talking cleaning tips.

And (Jr.) pulled it off, baby. (Is he up for an Emmy or something?)

While the rest of the store was snickering, (Jr.) stayed committed, and played his part with gusto: the friendly salesman you’d feel OK about lending your bike to. And he wouldn’t even laugh if one of your tires was made out of Legos.

In short, he was working his tail off, one bottle of Begley (Jr.)-Off at a time. And you can bet Newman never had to start out like that.

Horoscope: If today’s your birthday, and you’re not a celebrity, it’s a safe bet you’ll never have your own cleaning product. May we recommend:

“You really think that counter’s cleaned, punk face?”

1. Sportscenter

2. Big Amplitude

3. Grand Theft Auto

4. Socket sets

5. Rim jobs

6. Dennis Quaid

7. Meg Ryan

8. Masturbation

9. Dope

10. Cash

11. Pizza

12. Beer

13. Parties

15. Vegas

16. Heat

17. Shaq

18. Slam dunks

19. Obama

20. Power

21. Beverly Hillbillies

22. International Playboys

23. Mansions

24. Servants

25. Massage

26. Happy endings

Click “RATE and REVIEW” and add your own…try to make some shred of a connection, even if it’s only in your own mind — worked for us!

1. Hair

Don’t think that hair don’t matter. In this case, it is ALL about the hair. If you can’t represent the hair, how do you expect to represent the bitches?

2. Bitches

If you don’t got ‘em, how to you expect to bring in the cash?

3. Cash

This is important. A start-up needs cash-dolla. If need be, borrow some from your mama to get the operation moving. Tell her you’ll pay her back with interest. Interest she’ll be paying YOU for every dollar borrowed. That’s right, pimps can make these kind of demands, even on their mamas.

4. Demands

Make a bunch of ‘em. How else do you think a real pimp operates without demands? Demands show you know your pimpin’ and you’re large and in charge.

5. Large and in Charge

You need to get those bitches off your roster right now. Hint: don’t feed the other bitches much either. That way, when they get pregnant, the johns won’t be able to tell for a good eight months.

6. Nine Months

Well, you know who to cut from your roster. That’s OK! You’ll find more! Sell, knock-up, and release. Repeat action, get rich. Simple as dat.

Vaginaitis, Noun - Someone who sees the female vagina in everything they look at.

“Harry has such a strong case of Vaginasitis that we couldn’t even go hiking without him getting a boner at the sight of every other tree.”

“I gotta get me a condom.”

Solve the puzzle below and you’ll find out who is actually being pulled from the water by “Charlie.” True story/picture.

“I’m John McCain, and I approve of this website.”

Tatitude - noun. The common belief among women that a tattoo on their lower back automatically makes them sexy.

“Dude, she had a major tatitude. When I met her, she was good to go. But then she threw-up on me. Nothing like a Chinese symbol to say Bon Appétit.