1. Teeth
Message to England: National Dental Care?
2. Accents
You’re not so on top of everything as you were, say, in the mid-18th century? How ’bout we lose the snobby accent, chaps? The only thing you’ve owned since, are a bunch of old buildings and Boy George – and he even manages to escape from time to time.
3. Food
Something is wrong when the best food comes with the name Pizza Hut.
4. Roads
A whole lifetime spent learning to look left before right and you gotta go f*ck it up for me in one day?
5. Melting Pot of the World
Makes for a very shrewd working population aching to suck you dry for whatever you have. Hep C, anyone?
6. Tourists
Even when I am one. Imagine that. “Oh, look! A tourist taking a picture of a tourist taking a picture of a tourist.”
7. Cheeky Attitude
You can grin and bare it all you like, chaps, but you may not have any more lovely teeth to grind before long. Emotion, anyone?
8. Futbol
Sorry, America will never bend it like anyone. We’re sticking with our Big 3. Britney, Lindsay & any Kardashian to be named in a trade later.
9. Surveillance
George Orwell’s 1984 taken to frightening 21st Century heights. No joke.
10. Weather
Wind, rain, snow, sleet with a good chance of being chilled to the bone.
Yup, talk about your Official Bone Chiller.
